Wedding-Nama!!!

The Wedding-Nama!!!

I know what you will read below will ruffle a few feathers – and I do not apologize for that! This post is a work of fiction.

I respect the institution of marriage, but not many people realize that planning a wedding is quite a stressful event. Because of one stupid choice that couples make at the beginning – “I want both families to feel happy and comfortable” And that’s where the problems start.

Welcome to the life of Ms. Ananya Patil and Mr. Nithin Shetty

February 14, 2018, 8 months before the wedding:

Nithin: I am getting apprehensive about meeting your parents, Anu. What if they don’t like me?

Ananya: That’s obvious that they won’t like you. You are lazy, you can’t drive. You just sleep on weekends like a Panda. I am surprised I like you!

Nithin: Thanks, that helps. My confidence just plummeted to the bottom of the Pacific just like the Titanic

Ananya: At least get your facts right when you want to make a dramatic reference, dumbo! It’s the Atlantic, not the Pacific.

Nithin: Ha-ha, very funny. Even my parents won’t like you, by that logic. You don’t know cooking

Ananya: Oh please! I can cook Egg Bhurji. Don’t you remember our fifth date?

Ananya’s house, February 24, 2018: Meeting of the parents!

The Patils on the outskirts of Mumbai – aka, Thane! It was a plush apartment in a high-rise building. And the Shettys who have lived all their life in SoBo couldn’t stop wondering, “I didn’t know there were skyscrapers in Thane!”

The first meeting of the parents is always awkward. Appearing for a job interview is easier than conversing with your future in-laws. Because there’s always the risk of hearing “Ye shaadi nahi ho sakti!” (This wedding stands cancelled – a dramatic Hindi line which should be read with the same amount of exaggerated expression as they show in the movies)

The Shettys: Ananya is such a pretty name, beta. What do you do?

Ananya: I have done my engineering from Somaiya college of engineering, Vidyavihar. Post that, I worked with Accenture for two years. I did my MBA from IIM Indore and am now working in Deloitte as a Senior Consultant

Nithin (in his head): Fuck, this seems more rehearsed than a job interview answer

After what seemed like a drab one hour:

The Patils: So Nithin, what are your hobbies?

Nithin: I like traveling. Recently I went on a Chardham yatra – Vegas, Amsterdam, Goa, and then Thailand

Ananya (in her head): Oh God, this guy has no filter. Just because his family is so chilled out doesn’t mean he can assume he can say all this to my parents.

Thankfully for him, the Patils were in a good mood and they were quite pleased with the humor. As they say, all’s well that ends well. But hey, this day was far from over. Since I wasn’t present at the meeting, I don’t know exactly what transpired or who said what. But some of the statements were as follows:

“Let’s get the kids engaged asap in April and the wedding can be later in the year”. “We agree”

“Let’s do a destination wedding in Goa instead of a typical wedding in Mumbai”. “We agree”

“We are a modern family. We will share half the expenses. “We agree”

“Let’s keep the budget to less than 25 lacs. We don’t want to spend a lot.” “We agree”

The conversation went on and on, and as you may have guessed, WITHOUT CONSULTING THE KIDS!

That same night: in respective homes

Kids: Why didn’t you feel like consulting me while making these decisions about when, where, and what kind of wedding it will be!

Parents: Because we know you, and we know what you want deep down. We just expressed your wishes to them

Moments like these often leave the kids speechless. They are furious but when their parents utter an emotional line like this, they often go “Awww” in the head, and “Goodnight / slam the door” kind of action in real.

March 2, 2018: A tense date!

Ananya: I have a confession to make. When your parents proposed a destination wedding, my parents didn’t quite approve of the idea. They wanted a simple Maharashtrian wedding in Mumbai

Nithin: But aren’t you half-Goan? I thought you would have jumped on to the idea of having a wedding in Goa. We can have a nice sunset wedding by the beach with soft music and I hold your hands and dance

Ananya: Ya right, says the person who hardly holds my hands on dates too! Anyway, the point is, I am scared we are rushing into things. My parents have already gone shopping and they are expecting us to finalize our rings by this weekend and clothes by next weekend. They have gone ahead and booked the hall for the engagement too for April 17.

Nithin: Calm down, Anu. Don’t be a Parmanu. What the fuck, don’t punch me. Ok, I know it was a shitty line. Anyway, the point is: we love each other. We want to spend our lives together. Why should it matter then when or where we get married? Let our parents handle the wedding preparations and do whatever crap they want, and why can’t we enjoy our courtship period.

Ananya: Is this your Vipassana course outcomes? Giving me impractical, idealistic gyan as always. I want to ensure both parents are happy. And I feel that your parents have steamrolled mine into agreeing to a destination wedding

Nithin: Woah, that’s a huge allegation. If they had an issue, why couldn’t they be candid to my parents and proposed what they wanted instead?

Ananya: Because, however modern we may be, it’s tough being a bride’s parents. My parents are fucking conditioned to agree to whatever demands the groom’s parents make. I expected you to pitch in and take my side

Nithin: What the fuck, how can I take your side when I don’t fucking know what your side was? This is insane. We are fighting a lot these days. And it’s because of a wedding? It’s just an event. The most over-hyped event of the life there can be. What matters to me is “Marriage” – the life after the wedding.

Ananya didn’t respond. Seeing her puppy-face (which girls are so adept at making), Nithin tried pacifying her: Ok, you tell me. What kind of a wedding you want? I’ll make it happen.

Ananya: I don’t want to get married yet. When I thought about telling our parents about our relationship, it was only to stop them from giving me random matrimonial proposals. I don’t think I am ready to be married

Nithin: Okay, I hear you. I will repeat a line which a friend of mine said to me when she got married, “You can never be fully ready. There will be jitters even on the wedding day. But it will be worth it” You know, Anu, when I look at you, I know it will be worth it for me. And despite all my flaws, I know it will be worth it for you too. I know you didn’t mean the “I don’t want to get married yet” line

Ananya: Yes, I am sorry. It just came off in stress. The thing is, I don’t want the wedding preparations to ruin our dates. What venue, what ring, what clothes, what food. DJ or not, Sangeet or not, etc. etc. It’s so irritating dealing with parents. I only wanted both sets of parents to be happy but it’s increasingly becoming difficult to get them to reach a consensus.

Nithin: Agree, should we run away and get married?

Ananya: Yes, my filmy boyfriend. I am always ready for that. But you can’t drive, so we will actually have to “run”

Fast forward: October 14, 2018

Nithin and Ananya got married. And no, in the end, not a destination wedding in Goa. But a registered marriage in a Mumbai Court. What should have been the best few months of their lives leading up to the wedding turned out to be a power-struggle of sorts between both the groups of parents. In the end, Nithin and Ananya were so fed up with the back-and-forth and the planning, that they decided to chuck the whole idea about a grand wedding and instead chose the easier path out.

As of today, the relationships with their parents is sour but there’s hope of a reconciliation. In retrospect, I wonder, Nithin and Ananya should have not wanted to please all 4 parents in the first place and should have just informed their parents on how they wanted their wedding to be. And made sure, their parents agree!

I have a simple take on weddings – eventually it should be as the couple wants. A wedding is not an event to showcase wealth. It’s not an event of grand gestures, but really to celebrate true love. It is an event to celebrate a new phase for the couple, and celebrate with family, friends, and colleagues. It’s an event to be celebrated, not an event to be stressed about. And, in the end, it’s just an EVENT – and should not be given more attention than it deserves! I mean, who cares if the caterer or the decorator screws up – the only thing that really matters is that it’s the beginning of “Forever”!

P.S., I am getting married in 4 days and I am often asked, “why don’t you seem stressed at all about the wedding?” And my answer is simple, “Unlike Nithin and Ananya, I have got the kind of wedding I wanted, with the person I want for life!”