THE WEDDING CARD !!

The wedding card

[I am not sure if anyone has invented a phrase for ‘more than friends; less than a relationship’ but this is a story of one such bond. It is a story of two people who are always there for each other, two people who enjoy each other’s company, two people who need each other in life, two people who like each other endless, yet who never dated officially.]

It is rightly said, “You fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time.”

Today is the wedding day. I never thought this day would come; I never thought she would agree to get married. She never seemed the kind of person who wanted to settle down. While she was a hardcore romantic, she didn’t believe in marriage. Love is unbound and free; marriage makes it monotonous, was her philosophy.

Her name is Alia. My best friend for over three years now. No other friend has ever cared for me as much as she had. Selflessly. She even left eating the things I was allergic to. I don’t seem to recollect the exact moment when we both started liking each other. We felt comforted in each other’s company, and the feelings just grew. While we never officially dated, unofficially, we both knew we had each other’s affection and support, always.

Around a month ago, we met at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf at Bandra, a suburb in Mumbai. It’s one place that has been very special to both of us. We have shared a lot of good moments there. It was a typical busy Sunday. She, as usual, had made me wait for twenty minutes. While I am generally very critical of those who aren't punctual, with her, I am a different person altogether. Finally she arrived. In a yellow salwar kameez, hair untied, and wearing the earrings that I had gifted her, she looked perfect. I loved her simplicity. I hugged her, she pulled my cheeks, which was our greeting tradition by now, and then as usual, I playfully taunted her for being late. She coyly smiled, mimicked me, and we both laughed.

We were munching on Cheese chilly toast, and cribbing about our mundane work life. In the midst of the conversation, she suddenly opened her purse and gave me an envelope. It contained a handwritten letter. Throughout the past three years, especially during my MBA, she had surprised me with a lot of letters, inspiring me when I was low, and expressing what I mean to her in others. I started reading the letter, “In the past three years, I have lived a lifetime of happiness with you. You have made me happier than I ever thought I could be. You are my angel, my lucky charm. I have always tried my best to be there for you, as your shadow. And I’ll always be there.” The letter then went on to describe few of the best memories of our life. While I was reading it, I could see she was tearing up a little.

If you know someone so well for three years, you can intuitively understand why the other person is crying. That day, surprisingly, I couldn’t sense it. Until, I looked again inside the envelope and found another card. Alia weds Mayur, it read. That's when my world came crashing down upon me. She was getting married to someone else. I was shocked for a moment. How could this happen, I wondered. While I wasn’t dating her, I never thought she could marry someone else. In retaliation, I shouted, “What the hell is this? How could you fucking do this to me? When did all this happen? The least you could have done is kept me in the loop. I was such a fool to believe that you wouldn’t ever hurt me.” I went on and on for the next couple of minutes, feeling angry and hurt at the same time. She patiently listened to my rant. She held my hand and calmly said, “You will get over me. The wedding is in four weeks. I got to go now. I have a lot of preparation to do. And listen, we have always been there for each other in life-changing events. So, please be there one last time.” And then she walked away. Generally in a Bollywood movie, at this point, it either starts raining or a sad song starts playing in the background. But in real life, none of this happened. I paid the cheque and looked for an auto to take me home.

While traveling back home, that's when it hit me hard. She's not going to be there for me now. I can't call her at odd hours and expect her to talk to me. I tried to be rational about all this, but I just couldn’t. I was extremely sad that she was getting married to someone else. But deep down, I knew she wasn't doing anything wrong. She and I were never in a relationship, nor had we ever expressed any desire to marry each other. I began to wonder, if only I had asked her hand for marriage, if only we were dating officially. If only. Retrospection after a failed outcome driven by my indecision. Classic me!

Over the next three weeks, every moment, I kept thinking of her. Our memories together. The best times of my life. I was only a social, occasional drinker, but that’s when I even started drinking heavily. The pubs that I had only heard of till then, became my destination. Janata bar, Big Nasty, Gokul bar, Irish house, Raj Palace and so on. I must have visited more than 40 bars and pubs across Mumbai over the past three weeks. The venue kept changing but with each passing day, I drank more and more to forget the pain of losing her. My sleep cycles became irregular and I started popping sleeping pills as well.

But then, two days ago, she sent me a voice note on WhatsApp. “I came to know that you have switched on your self-destruct mode. Why are you always so emotional? Why can’t you ever understand why I did what I did? What I have felt towards you won't ever change. But if you continue to destroy yourself, I will destroy myself too. If you really care for me, please be fine. I need you always in life. You are my best friend, and I love you very much. These past few weeks have been tough for me. Everything happened so quickly. Yes, it hurts that my family made the decision for me. Damn, I always hated arranged marriages. But I am going to give it my best shot. By the way, in case you are wondering what will happen to us, well, I will always be there for you. We might not talk much or meet often from now on, but whenever you need me, I am always going to be there. That won’t change. No matter what. So I want you to be supportive. Can you please do that for me?”

Damn, I had missed that voice. That’s when it hit me that I had been so selfish in the past few weeks that I had completely forgotten about her. I had been so self-obsessed that I didn't even try to understand the situation from her perspective. I wish I hadn't passed judgments at her decision, and had tried to be more rational. Drinking isn't the solution to any problem; I should have instead clarified the whole issue with Alia. Again, retrospection after a stupid decision driven by my impulsiveness. Classic me!

I listened to the voice note again, and suddenly, my pain seemed miniscule compared to what she must be going through. I contemplated what would be the best reply to such an emotional voice note. I sent her a voice note too “I am with you. Everything will be alright, sweetheart! See you at the wedding. Love you. Always.”

So, back to the present now. Generally, it is not advisable to attend the wedding of the person with whom you have shared a past. It's too tough for one to bear, it is said. But today, she wanted me to be there, and I couldn't have disappointed her. I really want her to have a happy life ahead. Because, her happiness is the only thing I cared about, anyway! I see her in the Mandap. I know Alia doesn't love him much at this point, but I really hope their love blossoms. I really hope they have cute babies, and that Alia has the most comfortable life ahead, filled with joy, prosperity, love, and romance. I hope Mayur keeps her the happiest, much more than I could ever have. I closed my eyes and prayed. Prayed for her happiness. Prayed for her everlasting smile.

In life, you may want something really badly, but at times you need to let go. What she and I shared will always remain a special part of my life. Alia had left an indelible mark. The expressions would change; but deep down, my bond with Alia will remain as is. I am her angel, and she's my shadow; always with each other, in joys and sorrow. That won’t change, ever.

Someday, I'll find someone else too, someone who will understand me and love me despite all my countless flaws and imperfections, and more importantly, despite my past. Someday, I hope Alia attends my wedding and wishes me good luck for a new beginning. Someday, I hope my babies and her babies bond and become best friends, just like me and her. Someday, I hope life becomes perfect again. After all, life goes on......